Writing Clogs

I can't write anything. I can write of course, but all of it just comes out wrong to me. I have all of these thoughts and when I try to get it on paper or just written down it sounds too forced, very unreal. But Maybe that just means something else like Maybe I just am feeling unreal. I'm not sure I go through stints where I just can't write as Well as I know I'm capable of. I've also been zoning out a lot and I know that's mostly due to the fact of my thoughts bouncing around in chaos up there with no release. I'll be on the phone, Eating, other even just talking to someone and I space. My mind feels so jumbled and full. I have a constant pressure of flying thoughts. Even writing this I keep zoning out if I look up for too long. Hopefully this is on the right track of getting my writing capabilities back. I think it helps being at my dad's house. There's not a constant need to make sure everyone is taken care of, I just have to take care of myself. I think this is why I was a dingy child. I couldn't be to myself and wasn't Exactly sure how to get my thoughts out safely. So I sat and thought instead of verbalizing and writing. I've had serious thoughts for as long as I can remember. Trying to find out why that even though my siblings and I shared the Same mother I was darker than everyone. Being raised in a Christian environment and going going through a rough time as a kid, I found myself questioning God a lot and shamelessly to this day still do. I've found that people don't typically like when you question the big man upstairs. As a child I was scorned a lot and as an adult get disgusted looks as if I should've found the magical answer by now. But my beliefs are for another Sitting. All in all I've just always felt more than I could help and I personally see Nothing wrong with that, that is of course until my brain gets clogged up. As for now I think I've cleared up a little wiggle room in my head so Maybe I can write more. This may be a greater accomplishment than I predicted.