Sometime its just not that easy.

Coming up with post can actually be pretty hard sometimes. I know not a lot of people even read my blog anyway and I honestly don't know what to blog without being repetitive sometimes. I think that's why my better post are the ones where I get lost in what I'm saying. I don't know how much sense that makes but to me it just means I just et caught in my fly trap of a brain and just write what comes out.

Lately I've been lost. I have nothing to really do and then the things I can do exhaust me to the point of being able to do anything for a long amount of time. Being almost 9 months pregnant is no joke I tell you. So I just focus on an array of things being that I am a jack of many trades master of none. But it is it so bad to do that? For me yes. Then I give myself too many projects and most of them get left undone or untouched. Tragic is the role of a self entertaining jester. I feel all washed up like I'm just doing things to entertain myself then when I get bored move on. At least being a jester for myself means that someone can't come decapitate me for failing in my jester duties.

Rambling again... Anyway I feel so stuck. That is possibly the worst feeling to have at 35 weeks pregnant im discovering. It feels like my brain is going everywhere but I can't do anything to quiet my discomfort. From working on a story I don't think is good enough to poems I think are entirely too morbid I am stuck watching degrassi reruns to soothe my soul. I can't wait for this baby to get here and for school to start just to give me something constant to do and focus on. Now if that's not sad idk what is.

So here I am midnight, I've been practically asleep all day and still want to sleep (probably not helping with the crazies) and have no desire to move. So I'm typing this blog post on my tablet letting my mind wander to whatever. I really need to invest into some more forums other than babycenter though cause I think its causing me to have even weirder dreams than I already get. Should I end this crazy train here tonight or keep going... I suppose I could just make more post then just upload those when the blog needs a good ol' updating. Hmmm possibilities...well I guess I'll stop clogging the internet for now with crazy ramblings. If you made it this far you are a brave soul >.<.

Oh Cruel Wolrd!

I really don't know why I used that title, maybe I'm just feeling very Dramatic today. Lord knows I cant set my pen down for five minutes before another poem streams into my head and I have to pick up my mad and write another poem. I feel as if some of my poems may be dramatic, eerie, and sometimes very, very personal. Sometimes it's just a whole bunch of thoughts about others or different situations I have came up with in my mind. I don't think my poems are all that good sometimes though. I've been told they are meaningful and nice but I feel like if I have something left to say maybe I didn't say enough in my writings. I write a lot too, I just don't want to go unheard my whole life because I want people to know, "Hey that girl existed, she actually had a head on her shoulders." My friend always tells me to never have dreams but goals but I feel as if my plan or goal isn't put into action yet, therefore it's a dream. It's always been a dream of mine to become a published author. I've always taken it seriously and study the different types of writings out there from unskilled to highly noted to classical to unknown. I have wasted time reading poorly written stories with millions of bad reviews as a guide of what not to do. I am very critical of my own work and I am very cautious to put anything out there, what can I say I'm my very own mean critic. But I've been thinking lately if these starter writers with many mistakes can put their work out there to be judge (or in my case study) then what makes me so much better? I'm not terrified of criticism I am more scared that I will find out i'm just not good enough to have my dream come true. But hey will never know how can I expect anything to come of my writing if I am too scared to even share it outside of my city. So maybe that will be my next task working on making a dream into a goal.