Nothing to it but to do it. That's What They Say, Right?

So it's no secret that I haven't been having that much luck with jobs. i mean I have this job helping run an online store but the way I get paid is if someone actually makes a purchase and so far that has not been too luck fulfilling on my part. So I decided I should volunteer. Volunteer work is a great way to get some experience that you can put on a resume and colleges love to see that. Not only that I genuinely love to help out.

So anyways tomorrow I have a meeting with the coordinator of volunteer services at this hospice center and of course I want to volunteer in the office part of the place because being pregnant and what not I feel as if I would get too emotional dealing with sick elderly people my heart is too big for that. I am good dealing with stoic work that doesn't get me attached to certain individuals. Maybe after I have the baby I will be less of a cry baby.

But anyway I am really in love with this opportunity. True its only volunteer but the aspect of getting to help out even a little bit and someone actually wants me to help out is so exciting to me. The only dimming side is that absolutely nothing fit so I had to go to the store where I had a time in a half finding anything remotely cute and comfortable to wear to the meeting up with him tomorrow. So now I have something somewhat decent. Even though its a meeting for volunteer work I still wanted to look somewhat professional because I don't want them to think I'd show up in just anything to help out.

But moral of this post, I just have to go in there and hope for the best possible outcome. I really want this opportunity to help someone else out even if it is just filing.

Went Nowhere to Somewhere Fast.

So I'm taking a shot in the aimless dark. I have no honest clue where this post is going. This is one of those times I suppose where I want to write but its nothing too extremely secretive I have in mind. I've been working on another (yes, another) story and though I see exactly where this little stories going I just have no want to work on it. Call it unmotivated, lazy, or just down right weird. I keep thinking why if I have words for this am I too lazy to put it down on to paper. That's actually pretty simple in my case. I have a million stories floating on around up there in that magical place I like to call my brain and sometimes they just don't want to be introduced into the world quite yet. I would like to think that they are just not ready and once the right words come out then the story will once again begin. I still have tons of stories half written out that I just never brought myself to finish. I still remember exactly where I was going with them I just never finished writing it out. My mom wants me to be a writer. She thinks I can go somewhere with it but I am one of those horribly critical in their own work people and never managed to put myself out there too far. I've been kind of thinking of starting a new Wattpad account or just using my same one and slowly publishing different beginnings to stories and see exactly where they go.

I think I'm just not too full of myself. I know there are tons of people out in the world that could put my writing to shame. Even when people say I need to put my stories out there let the world judge you, I'm afraid this cruel world may discover a new meaning of cruel when it comes to me for some reason. Should I stop being such a baby? I don't know. There are few things I get sensitive over and writing is one of my soft spots. I know that people can be cruel for no reason whatsoever, having witnessed it first hand.

Maybe I should just post it. Let the world embrace or reject my logic at least its only through the Internet behind a screen name right. I think that's what I'll do. And I'll add the link to it into the links or make a post telling where to find it. Hmmm off to put myself into the world, damned if I do damned if I don't.

Oh Cruel Wolrd!

I really don't know why I used that title, maybe I'm just feeling very Dramatic today. Lord knows I cant set my pen down for five minutes before another poem streams into my head and I have to pick up my mad and write another poem. I feel as if some of my poems may be dramatic, eerie, and sometimes very, very personal. Sometimes it's just a whole bunch of thoughts about others or different situations I have came up with in my mind. I don't think my poems are all that good sometimes though. I've been told they are meaningful and nice but I feel like if I have something left to say maybe I didn't say enough in my writings. I write a lot too, I just don't want to go unheard my whole life because I want people to know, "Hey that girl existed, she actually had a head on her shoulders." My friend always tells me to never have dreams but goals but I feel as if my plan or goal isn't put into action yet, therefore it's a dream. It's always been a dream of mine to become a published author. I've always taken it seriously and study the different types of writings out there from unskilled to highly noted to classical to unknown. I have wasted time reading poorly written stories with millions of bad reviews as a guide of what not to do. I am very critical of my own work and I am very cautious to put anything out there, what can I say I'm my very own mean critic. But I've been thinking lately if these starter writers with many mistakes can put their work out there to be judge (or in my case study) then what makes me so much better? I'm not terrified of criticism I am more scared that I will find out i'm just not good enough to have my dream come true. But hey will never know how can I expect anything to come of my writing if I am too scared to even share it outside of my city. So maybe that will be my next task working on making a dream into a goal.