Update? Update!

Who is the World’s Worst Blogger?

Me obviously you saw that one coming from a mile away since I haven’t added a post since June. No seriously, June. I honestly did not think that I could be that spaced as to where I don’t blog for almost 2 months. I’ve seriously needed to at times though. I’ve been writing a lot but its not the same release as complaining to a bunch (few) people that don’t know me online. Like putting my words down then just closing the cover doesn’t really do much because I still feel the same indignity I felt just not quite as strong.

So two months has gone by, I guess you can say either a lot or very little happened depending on where you’re standing and which angle you see it from. I am now 8 months pregnant, worked things out with my baby’s father, got a job of sorts, and starting soon will be volunteering until I have this baby. I don’t even know why I am trying to keep so busy. You would think with me being the size of a beached whale I’d want to sit and relax for these last 7 weeks before I push a child out of my vagina but it’s the exact opposite. I hate relaxing and there’s always at least one thing that needs to be done.

I am working on getting the last few credits I need for high school and it feels like the process for applying for this school is taking forever. I really want to get done so that I can have a part time job and start college in the winter. It seems like time is in fast forward right now and I am powerless to stop it. How many pages I’ve filled with thoughts could’ve been enough to upload a post each week but I remained flighty and unreminded so the thoughts are tucked away in journals and notebooks and somewhere a napkin.

I know I will start blogging more because part of my new job is blogging for a business so hey why not go to my blog after I update there’s so I can keep on a schedule. I really need to blog more before I lose my sanity though.

Went Nowhere to Somewhere Fast.

So I'm taking a shot in the aimless dark. I have no honest clue where this post is going. This is one of those times I suppose where I want to write but its nothing too extremely secretive I have in mind. I've been working on another (yes, another) story and though I see exactly where this little stories going I just have no want to work on it. Call it unmotivated, lazy, or just down right weird. I keep thinking why if I have words for this am I too lazy to put it down on to paper. That's actually pretty simple in my case. I have a million stories floating on around up there in that magical place I like to call my brain and sometimes they just don't want to be introduced into the world quite yet. I would like to think that they are just not ready and once the right words come out then the story will once again begin. I still have tons of stories half written out that I just never brought myself to finish. I still remember exactly where I was going with them I just never finished writing it out. My mom wants me to be a writer. She thinks I can go somewhere with it but I am one of those horribly critical in their own work people and never managed to put myself out there too far. I've been kind of thinking of starting a new Wattpad account or just using my same one and slowly publishing different beginnings to stories and see exactly where they go.

I think I'm just not too full of myself. I know there are tons of people out in the world that could put my writing to shame. Even when people say I need to put my stories out there let the world judge you, I'm afraid this cruel world may discover a new meaning of cruel when it comes to me for some reason. Should I stop being such a baby? I don't know. There are few things I get sensitive over and writing is one of my soft spots. I know that people can be cruel for no reason whatsoever, having witnessed it first hand.

Maybe I should just post it. Let the world embrace or reject my logic at least its only through the Internet behind a screen name right. I think that's what I'll do. And I'll add the link to it into the links or make a post telling where to find it. Hmmm off to put myself into the world, damned if I do damned if I don't.

The Impromptu Takeover

I never really realized just how important my laptop and devices were to me until they were really gone. I know I speak of them as if they were people, but when you have the forever alone status of my caliber those little guys become important. It happened slowly and spread itself out to completely shake my world. First went my phone that was stolen at an after school program that I rarely missed. But I knew I could survive because I had my trusty Ipod touch, not as useful as a phone but great around Wi-Fi. But slowly and surely it had a mental breakdown, I'm not sure if I put too much pressure on the little guy or it was just his time. And yet I could still survive because of my beautiful reliable laptop. Then the laptop decided that I didn't need it anymore and checked out Monday night. So for the past few days I've been using my mothers laptop and tablet when I can. My whole life was on those devices and my only salvation was passwords and Google back up. How have I let technology take over my life so quickly and unwittingly. I just know one thing, there's no going back to a tech-free independent life. And slowly smacking myself for not seeing this coming sooner.