It's Officially the Crazies!

Dreaded night time. It seems the only time where I'm able to be wide awake whether I want to or not. So here I am 4:00 am and wide awake. Not like I went to bed at 3 am yesterday and was up at 8 am. Granted I took an hour long nap from 8 pm to 9 but that obviously should not have been enough to keep me up this long I should be exhausted!

So here I am writing more. I don't know why I haven't been writing like this more. Its therapeutic. I think it helps that I found my tablet which is way easier to make blog post and type things on than on my phone which I was on most of the time. Sadly my laptop since it had his accident hasn't gotten too much love in the any kind of way department. But hey tablets are made for convenience right? I'm sure whoever reads this blog is tired of these ramble on post but I feel like behind them I have small moments of meaning.

My goal for my next post though is to have it be on an actual topic or subject of substance instead of another case of the crazies (because yes that's what I will from now on refer to these ramblings). But I been trying to think of something good and unboring. Where's Yoda to guide my young mind when I need him? I been thinking of actually scraping the one story I was working on or at least come back to it later. I feel like its too depressing of a story for me to work on right now. After coming up with a chapter I actually feel kind of depressed because of the mindset I have to get into to have the character completely believable. But when the time comes I'll decide.

I been curious about audio books lately as well. I have two that I purchased one being Divergent the other being The Hobbit. My problem comes in where I've never really found the need for audio books I actually really enjoy reading books (paper or electronic). So I'm beginning to think that little trial is gonna be for when my little guy gets here and I know I won't have time to sit back and crack open a good old novel.

But now of course as I'm writing this I'm getting a major case of the sheep all breaking down the fence Ive been trying to throw them over and attacking my eyelids. Its funny that when I'm doing nothing i am wide awake them the moment I actually start to get into something like making a blog post I can barely keep my eyes open. So before the yawns over take me and I can no longer function let me post this and go to bed. Thanks for surviving another bout of the crazy.

Story time

So I was on this website and they were speaking on depression. We'll one lady posted this story I'm about to share and said its one of her favorite ones and now it has became one of mine.


"One day a farmer’s donkey fell into an abandoned  well. Terrified, the animal cried for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and impossible to retrieve. He realized the well needed to be filled to prevent future losses. So he invited all his neighbors to help him.
They all grabbed shovels and began to throw dirt into the well. At first, when the donkey realized he was being buried alive, he cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s shock, the donkey quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit the donkey’s back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer and his neighbors continued to throw dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take another step up. Soon everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to throw dirt your way and attempt to bury you. However, no one ever gets out of life’s wells by giving up! Shake the dirt off and take a step up!"

So I hope you enjoyed that little tidbit.

Sometime its just not that easy.

Coming up with post can actually be pretty hard sometimes. I know not a lot of people even read my blog anyway and I honestly don't know what to blog without being repetitive sometimes. I think that's why my better post are the ones where I get lost in what I'm saying. I don't know how much sense that makes but to me it just means I just et caught in my fly trap of a brain and just write what comes out.

Lately I've been lost. I have nothing to really do and then the things I can do exhaust me to the point of being able to do anything for a long amount of time. Being almost 9 months pregnant is no joke I tell you. So I just focus on an array of things being that I am a jack of many trades master of none. But it is it so bad to do that? For me yes. Then I give myself too many projects and most of them get left undone or untouched. Tragic is the role of a self entertaining jester. I feel all washed up like I'm just doing things to entertain myself then when I get bored move on. At least being a jester for myself means that someone can't come decapitate me for failing in my jester duties.

Rambling again... Anyway I feel so stuck. That is possibly the worst feeling to have at 35 weeks pregnant im discovering. It feels like my brain is going everywhere but I can't do anything to quiet my discomfort. From working on a story I don't think is good enough to poems I think are entirely too morbid I am stuck watching degrassi reruns to soothe my soul. I can't wait for this baby to get here and for school to start just to give me something constant to do and focus on. Now if that's not sad idk what is.

So here I am midnight, I've been practically asleep all day and still want to sleep (probably not helping with the crazies) and have no desire to move. So I'm typing this blog post on my tablet letting my mind wander to whatever. I really need to invest into some more forums other than babycenter though cause I think its causing me to have even weirder dreams than I already get. Should I end this crazy train here tonight or keep going... I suppose I could just make more post then just upload those when the blog needs a good ol' updating. Hmmm possibilities...well I guess I'll stop clogging the internet for now with crazy ramblings. If you made it this far you are a brave soul >.<.

Nothing to it but to do it. That's What They Say, Right?

So it's no secret that I haven't been having that much luck with jobs. i mean I have this job helping run an online store but the way I get paid is if someone actually makes a purchase and so far that has not been too luck fulfilling on my part. So I decided I should volunteer. Volunteer work is a great way to get some experience that you can put on a resume and colleges love to see that. Not only that I genuinely love to help out.

So anyways tomorrow I have a meeting with the coordinator of volunteer services at this hospice center and of course I want to volunteer in the office part of the place because being pregnant and what not I feel as if I would get too emotional dealing with sick elderly people my heart is too big for that. I am good dealing with stoic work that doesn't get me attached to certain individuals. Maybe after I have the baby I will be less of a cry baby.

But anyway I am really in love with this opportunity. True its only volunteer but the aspect of getting to help out even a little bit and someone actually wants me to help out is so exciting to me. The only dimming side is that absolutely nothing fit so I had to go to the store where I had a time in a half finding anything remotely cute and comfortable to wear to the meeting up with him tomorrow. So now I have something somewhat decent. Even though its a meeting for volunteer work I still wanted to look somewhat professional because I don't want them to think I'd show up in just anything to help out.

But moral of this post, I just have to go in there and hope for the best possible outcome. I really want this opportunity to help someone else out even if it is just filing.

You Can Do That?! (Guess Not)

Why did no one tell me it was possible to make a blog post from your email?
Am I just that slow or is it not common knowledge? I'm secretly hoping that
it just is not known as a means of blogging instead of feeling slow. So I'm
trying it just to see how it is and what not.

I can't say I'm getting an anxiety disorder considering I already have one
but I think its transforming. I have at least one baby dream a night and
they are all extremely, extremely weird. I've had a whole montage of
strange dreams though that I have no idea where they came from in my mind.
Like legit lifetime movie dreams that no one would even think I was
possible of thinking up in my unconscious state of mind.

I'm rambling again. Well I don't know once again how I got from point A to
C but I made that trip in the most ineloquent way, by talking about how I
have a case of the crazies. Well until the next ramble on post then.

P.S It didn't even work!

Update? Update!

Who is the World’s Worst Blogger?

Me obviously you saw that one coming from a mile away since I haven’t added a post since June. No seriously, June. I honestly did not think that I could be that spaced as to where I don’t blog for almost 2 months. I’ve seriously needed to at times though. I’ve been writing a lot but its not the same release as complaining to a bunch (few) people that don’t know me online. Like putting my words down then just closing the cover doesn’t really do much because I still feel the same indignity I felt just not quite as strong.

So two months has gone by, I guess you can say either a lot or very little happened depending on where you’re standing and which angle you see it from. I am now 8 months pregnant, worked things out with my baby’s father, got a job of sorts, and starting soon will be volunteering until I have this baby. I don’t even know why I am trying to keep so busy. You would think with me being the size of a beached whale I’d want to sit and relax for these last 7 weeks before I push a child out of my vagina but it’s the exact opposite. I hate relaxing and there’s always at least one thing that needs to be done.

I am working on getting the last few credits I need for high school and it feels like the process for applying for this school is taking forever. I really want to get done so that I can have a part time job and start college in the winter. It seems like time is in fast forward right now and I am powerless to stop it. How many pages I’ve filled with thoughts could’ve been enough to upload a post each week but I remained flighty and unreminded so the thoughts are tucked away in journals and notebooks and somewhere a napkin.

I know I will start blogging more because part of my new job is blogging for a business so hey why not go to my blog after I update there’s so I can keep on a schedule. I really need to blog more before I lose my sanity though.